I swear, when I turn 18 I’m going have the time of my life. I’m going to meet lots and lots of people and listen to their stories. I’m gonna make friends and they’ll listen to mine. I’ll probably do something stupid in the midst of it all, as long as no on gets hurts, evrything’s gonna be alright. I’ll do my best to every challenge I will be facing so that I won’t have troubles sleeping at night thinking of what ifs and could have beens. I’ll laugh and cry at the same time, spending days with the best people ever. I’m gonna fall in and out of love all over again and finally undestand how the male brain works. I won’t think about how imperfect or how one girl is prettier and better than me, I’m gonna accept and love myself so that society would accept me in return. I know I will have failures, but I’ll share them to the world and laugh along with everyone instead of crying myself to sleep. And when I finally feel myself fading, I’m gonna remember all the good times and tell myself that my existence is real and I lived one hell of a life.
On the way home today, I sent a text to my friends about how stressed I am. Well, of course some of us, when stressed, tend to use explicit language to describe how our day went or to just use it for no apparent reason. So, like, one of my friends replied and he said, “Kim, why are you sending your group messages to my father?” And I was just like, “Oh no. Not again.”
Turns out, I accidentally saved his father’s number instead of his during that one time we exchanged digits. I’ve been sending messages to him for a month. I wonder why these kinds of things always happen to me. Well luckily this time, his father didn’t get mad at me for cussing. My friend told me that his dad found my problems to be kind of amusing.
After that scenario, my brother and I were eating empanada, and they were really hot. (Like in a scale of 1-10, I would give it an 8) But I was being the stupid me again, I tried to impress my younger brother that I’ve eaten hotter things than this.
“Don’t eat that,” he said as I was about to bite into the empanada.
“Why not?” I replied.
“I think it’s really hot.”
Scoffing, I said, “Dude, hot is like, my middle name.” And I took my first bite.
And that’s how I burnt my tongue.
Maybe that’s just how things rolled for today since it’s Friday the 13th and all, but meh, whatever. This day totally sucked.
And another scenario, after school ended, I waited under the rain for an hour just to get a ride, and it suuuuuucked because I was drenched from head to toe. And, I saw a black cat. And it was trying to poop infront of me. Fml.
So, I’ve got myself an experience that totally made me boil in anger. It involves the supposed to be love of my life, a degrading insult and the fact that he had no right to degrade me.
How would you feel when a boy calls you a slut for the fun of it?
So I’ve been label as to such, and here’s what I personally think of it.
“What a dumb and rude thing to say.”
“Um, I don’t know how to feel.”
“I really have no idea how your parents brought you up. They must’ve regretted using a broken rubber for bringing you into this world.”
“I don’t want to waste my time talking to a pathetic and brainless piece of sht like you..”
“Me? A slut? You must be gay.”
They didn’t really make up for the insult he called me, but I shouldn’t be offended because I know that I am not what he called me.
Though it kind of stings a little, I stopped myself from being affected and all because everything he said was just cheap bull.
A girl is not a slut when she isn’t. And instead of cussing directly to his face, I resorted a less bloody and violent way of sending him a message of how I feel.
I blocked him in facebook, deleted his number and cut all ties with him because there is no way in hell that I would want to associate with a brainless and pathetic guy like him.
So anywaaays, what I really want to say is that the only person who knows you best is yourself (and probably your mom, but that doesn’t apply to some situations.) and you can either choose to believe the things people say about you and rot your life in misery or just don’t give a rat’s ass about what they say. Besides, you’re not the only who believes in yourself.
So, in conclusion, as a normal, sane human being who has the right mind when dealing with these kinds of things, I decided that Matthiew can go screw with himself. His loss for losing such a fine piece of meat such as myself. Goodbye asshole.
Last night, I ranted to my friends about having not enough money to buy myself a new phone. I sent them messages about how being penniless is hard, and stuff like that. My messages were so full of hate that it contained not one, but a dozen of curse words. I don’t know how I did it but I successfully cramped up a hell lot of profanity in just a single sentence. (Though that’s nothing to be proud of, really.)
Apparently, one of my friends’ dad read the message and he scolded me. Through text messaging. How unbelievable is that? “Who is this? How dare you send my daughter that message you rude child.” He replied, and I was just like woaaaaah. I was just so mindblown.
First I panicked. I thought, What if he’s gonna barge in my house and tell my parents? What if he’s gonna complain to the school? What if I get expelled?
And it took me about half a minute to realize how stupid I just sounded. And it took me another half a minute thinking about how I can get away, unscathed.
(Deny, deny, deny…)
I texted back with a, “Who is this? Isn’t this to be [insert random girl’s name here]’s phone?” I hesitated at first before sending, wondering what would happen if he wouldn’t believe me. But I still sent it despite knowing that I could get into a much more problematic situation.
“No, this is her dad.” He instantly replied. I didn’t know which one was worse; her dad reading the message or her mom. But either way, both of them reading the message I sent her was still embarassing.
“Oh. I got the wrong number. Wrong send, sorry.” I lied and he never replied back. Did he just fall for it? He never replied back, so I’m assuming he did. A couple more minutes passed by until I let out a shaky breath. Thank God that’s over.
Even though I got away with the situation, I still feel ashamed for being caught cursing– by an adult nonetheless. It made me feel dirty and just bad, which kind of sucks.
But anyways, from now on I’ll remember not to send her any messages. Especially the ones that contain profanity. Fml.
Last night, I was under the blankets getting ready to sleep when my upper thigh decided to itch badly. Obviously, having an itch means you have to scratch it because it’s damn, straight itchy. So yes, of course I did scratch the itch. (What the hell.)
My mother then decided it was the right time to barge into my room, without knocking and without shouting on the other side, “I’m coming in!”
And all I heard her say was, “What the hell are you doing?!” That was probably the first time I heard her screech that high and it was traumatizing.
I can’t believe that she would actually think that I would masturbate in the middle of the night! I’m a fifteen year old girl and I don’t touch myself in the middle of the night because I’m not watching hot guys strip themselves! Seriously, mom, whyyyyyyyyyyyy?
I think I was more disturbed than her. Fml.
Awhile ago, I was looking for teenagers that I could talk to in this website. I went over to the forums section and posted a topic. I couldn’t think of any catchy title that could give me friends in less than an hour or so, so I settled for something like, ‘Teenage girls? Where they at?’
Oh gosh, I never really expected that someone would actually call me, indirectly though, creepy. I already stated there that I’m not some naked drunkard on the street, I clearly said that I was merely fifteen! I just wanted to make friends, what the hell.
I seriously think that I’ll be forever alone, like in, forever.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like reaching an unreachable star from afar. That is how I look at it; chasing the unchasable with all your might but still end up empty-handed.
Sure, the love I feel makes me happy but deep inside, when I try to think of it and examine the whole situation, I am actually bleeding because I am fully aware that he will never be mine, NEVER…
People may call me stupid for loving a man who doesn’t love me back. But I think that is what happens when you surrender everything to the thing called love, you make yourself blind and deaf. But love isn’t always like this of course, this is just one of the many faces of Love.
One-sided love…a term that was once alien to my ears but now, I completely understand what that term means. Giving everything to someone…
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