death on April fool’s day.

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I think a little part of me just died last night.

I swear, it was like watching an eighty seven layered jenga fall off for no apparent reason. Watching your hard work just crumble like that was how I felt last night.

 Regina George FTW!

At one in the morning, Matthiew messaged me that Katy died, her container fell and killed her. Bloody hell, I couldn’t believe it! My eyes started to water as I remembered the time we both bought our pets, how could he do this to Katy? I thought about the excitement we both felt when we were saving money to buy something that we wanted, and to know that it would be gone just like that really broke my heart. Dramadramadrama.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, he told me that he was in a relationship already. At this point I was confused, sort of. Maybe this was a message given to me so that I could stop expecting and hoping that one day we can go out like a happy couple. Maybe this was a message that would make me open my eyes to reality that the image of us together was completely impossible. Maybe we were just destined to be friends in the first place, and that I have no other choice but to accept that.

But I couldn’t burn the image of Matthiew being in a relationship with another girl in my mind. Because in my mind there was only Kim and Matthiew and Matthiew and Kim, ’till the end of the world and ever since the beginning. I know that I sound really stupid right now and desperate, maybe, but that’s just how I feel. I’ve been chasing him for three years and letting go, is hard.

(Dear Matthiew, you are stupider than a cow that ran out of grass.)

Because I don’t want this one-sided love affair to end just yet, I have to fight for it. Even though I’ll end up empty handed in the end, that’s okay because maybe, during the middle of this so-called war, my feelings may have reached him, and that’s better than doing nothing and weep. So, enough of this drama. The alarms have already went off signaling for war.

So, I cursed at Matthiew.

This was how our conversation turned out last night:

Matthiew: I’m in a relationship.

Kim: But you said you wouldn’t!

Matthiew: Things change.

Kim: omg u liar!!1 i cant believe u can do dis 2 me *sob* *sob *sob*

LOLJK, I’m not that clingy. Instead I told him to f-ck off and other curse words, because Matthiew’s stupid for going out with a girl. (Other than me, heh.)

And then, the next message caused the death of moi.

From: Matthiew

Recieved: 01:52

01-04-2012

Damnit, I told you I’m in a relationship.

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY! 🙂

What the flying f-ck just happened.

At first, I was thinking, ‘Dude, this guy is making extremely lame excuses for a joke. What the hell, it’s not even—,” And it hit me, ‘OMGOMGOMG ITS APRIL FOOLS DAY! OMGOMGOMG!

That cunning little son of a beep. The drama was all for nothing! What the…

I was literally screaming my head off at one in the morning.

I even embarrassed myself for sharing this with my friends before I found out that he was kidding. I was crying my eyes out while texting them. I could just imagine myself last night.

 Anyway, my eyes are really sore right now and I probably look like Yoda or something weird.

And mehged. CL, baby, where are you?

a date and a missing tarantula.

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What the hell. This blog hasn’t even started yet and it’s ending too soon? It’s not like I’m giving up. Nononono. It just so happens that, Matthiew– my supposed to be one true love has a date this coming Tuesday.

A date.

(A DATE ON TUESDAY… WHAT THE HECK.)

Who is this little bitch? To be honest, I really have no clue as to who it is. I’m hoping that this woman turns out to be his sister or better yet, his mom or grandma. But let’s get real here, he’s fifteen for crying out loud! Who the heck has a date with his mom/nana/sis nowadays? Oh wait..

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But that’s not my point! (Sorry, Jason. Please don’t kill me.)

What I’m really trying to say is… That bitch is going down.

. : : . . : : .

On a more serious note– though, I was kind of serious in taking that hoe down, my one year old (i think) tarantula has gone missing. At first I got panicky and sweaty, but after realizing that she (yes, it’s a she! her name’s CL) was only limited to crawling in my room, I was like, “allizwell, allizwell.” She can’t get too far.

Speaking of tarantulas, did you guys know that they’re the symbol of our love? No kidding.

It all started during November of the previous year. I was browsing through pictures of chameleons in thoughts of buying one for myself, when Matthiew suddenly told me that he, too, was interested in exotic animals. Would you look at that, we do have something in common after all. We spent the rest of the evening chatting on facebook about exotic animals like leopard geckos, chameleons, bearded dragons, hedgehogs and tarantulas. He told me that I wasn’t fit for taking care of a chameleon (that little prick), but after some insults and curses, he took back what he said. Anyway, it was as if a lightbulb went off at the side of his head when he said,

“Oy Kim, let’s buy tarantulas instead!”

He wanted us to have the same pets. Smileyface. Smileyface.

After awhile, we then bought our own tarantulas. The pet store owner advised us not to take the male tarantulas because they were much more aggressive and harder to take care of, knowing that both of us are still beginners at this, so with no other choice we both got females. And we can’t let them breed, damnit. But hey! Maybe they can be lesbian for each other, who knows? Winkwink.

Now that our/my lovechild/tarantula is missing, it’s like I let Matthiew down. It’s like losing his and my baby, and that’s really not nice. But knowing my daughter/tarantula, she doesn’t have the guts to rebel against her mom. She’s not like any other girl/tarantula, She’s– Okay, what the hell am I talking about?

I just hope she comes back soon.

Here are some pictures of his tarantula, Katy, and my CL.

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That’s Katy.

&this is CL. (she’s like 3x bigger than Katy.)

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That’s Matthiew’s hand bytheway. This was taken during the time when I told him to babysit CL for awhile because my house was undergoing renovation and I was afraid that she’d get stressed over the noise.

and this…

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is something that I’ll treasure forever.

 Though it happened months ago, I just thought that I’d share this little, precious memory and no, he’s not emo or anything, he was just over reacting that he had to cross a busy highway. I have this tendency to panic whenever I cross the street, so maybe I rubbed off a little on him? Hahaha.

an optimist and a believer.

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To be frank, I really don’t know how to start this but…

Hello & Welcome to my blog!

As I desperately strive my way out of The Friend Zone, I shall record of what happened, be it humiliating or not, here in this blog of mine. You may think that this is silly, but I agree with you. Because sometimes, people just have to do crazy stuff in love– my parents are no exception.

. : : . . : : .

For almost more than three years, I have been chasing the same guy. I can’t say nothing happened because something definitely did. Or atleast that’s what I think. He knows very well that I like him, and I know very well that he only thinks of me as a friend. Now that our days in high school are almost coming to an end (which is next year!), I wonder if we could really happen, or if it’s just a love that could have been.